As a teenager in the Rehabilitation Project Force, the gulag program for wayward Sea Org members, I was having a hard time with being in the Sea Org. I wasn’t entirely sure it was for me. It was often intense work and I wasn’t up for it.
And so I thought I should look into some files of OT’s to see what the hype was all about. If I was supposed to dedicate a billion years, it seemed only fair that I see for myself what we were aiming for.
Well, that backfired. First because I had no idea what I was looking at. None of it made any sense to me. And second, I asked an OT about it and ended up not only getting zero answers, but also ending up on the RPF’s RPF, which is a step down.
And so now I could not even talk to people on the RPF. I was assigned work that was “vile and arduous” (LRH’s words).
And so there I stood, in front of an old rusty boiler tank. They told me to get in and scrub off all of the rust. The tank was large but it was still incredibly tight space.
I didn’t want to do it.
“You will never get off the RPF’s RPF if you refuse your assignments.”
I reluctantly climbed in and spent the next two weeks, 12 hours a day inside that boiler tank, scrubbing off rust.
You know, thats my memory of learning the hard way that you can’t ever say no.
And this also relates to everything in Scientology. Even a public. Everyone has to do what they are told. As a public, if you refuse, they may be nice about it, but you will be sent to ethics, ordered to interrogations, etc.
As a public, anytime you refuse to do anything, all it does is extend your interrogations and cost more money. And these interrogations, that you pay for, continue until you do agree.
And so as a public Scientologist or as a Sea Org member, you learn to always say “yes”.
Because saying “no” never, ever works out for you.
It’s taken me years after leaving to stand up for myself and what I want. It’s been hard to say no when you have had decades of grooming to always agree.
The indecisiveness still drives me nuts. It’s still there. And sometimes even when I do say no, I feel horrible about it.
It’s one of those difficult habits to undo, but it can be done.
They say that Libras are indecisive. Yup. But I think an ex-Scientologist or ex-Sea Org member is even more indecisive.
The consequences of saying “No “ were huge. Saying “yes” wasn’t much fun either, because we would always end up doing something we would rather not.
Be patient with us. A simple yes or no is just not that simple for us.
The ability to gather information and the decide for yourself despite all efforts to persuade, encourage, manipulate is a hard one to gain after being stuck in a cult.
A good test is whether you can confidently say yes or no to used car salespeople and decide just for yourself whether it's right or not. Tip always go with a normal person first before you try this test to yourself. All my best Sunny