Mortified

The release of the Golden Age of Tech in 1996 had a huge shift in how auditing procedures were done in Scientology.

Some could say it was standardized. I’d describe it as 1984 level watching of its members.

What did the sexual proclivities of it’s members have to do with saving the world?

And yet here I was. I found myself constantly doing interrogations on members of Scientology and the Sea Org. And we constantly went down the path of sexual habits and desires. It’s just always where the auditing sessions led.

It wasn’t just me, either. It was rampant. All trained auditors were now digging up dirt on its members.

Turning for a moment to today, I go to therapy and talk about what I want to talk about. And if I don’t want to discuss a subject I don’t have to. Also, my therapist has emotions, and genuine reactions to things I bring up. It’s empathy.

And yet in Scientology, our training routines have taught us to follow down every rabbit hole. And some of those are very, very dark.

But not only that, we had to keep our expressions and questions at an even keel, as if nothing the person said bothered us.

This came to a head for me when I found myself interrogating a man who admitted to me that he had gone up into the ceiling of the women’s shower and made a hole and had been watching women shower for years. That shower room had up to 25 women at a time showering. It was a large community shower. He then went on to tell me how many times he had seen me showering, some of the early times when I and others were underage.

I was completely disgusted and mortified to be hearing this.

I had to keep a friendly face and act like none of it bothered me at all. I wanted to react, so badly, but my training kicked in and I disassociated to get through that session. I had to smile and coax him to tell me more, and in great detail, what exactly he had done, and seen, and how he managed to do that.

Innocence was shattered.

What did any of it have to do with saving the world anyway?

No , this guy should not have been around, of course. But also, why were we always finding out stuff like this now?

The Golden Age of Tech taught us to pull these types of things out of people.

No. That’s not why I wanted to be an auditor. No , this was not something enjoyable or fun. It was mental torture for me. I hated it.

I am guessing I am not the only one who doesn’t care to hear all that stuff.

This one has been on my mind for a while and I felt the need to bring it up.

Yes, relieving oneself of “sins” informally or formally can have a good effect on a person, whether in Scientology or not. But is there a point when it’s gone too far and they should be telling the police, not the victim???