The Sea Org owns you
Mr. Petit found me in the hallway outside the dining room. He was the Captain CC Int, the Scientology Celebrity hub in Hollywood, and one of my bosses.
“Hey Sunny,” he said “there’s a new issue from Ed International. Have you read it?”
No, I didn’t even know it existed.
It was about what was to happen if a Sea Org couple got pregnant, he explained.
I essentially phased out of what he was saying.
The history, as I remember it, about children in the Sea Org was at first having kids was ok, at least in the 80’s, they were dumped into a Sea Org daycare that, like it or not, ran 24 hours a day because Sea Org members ended up on post insanely long hours and sometimes were unable to see their babies for weeks at a time.
Clearly that didn’t work.
Then, for a short time, it was required that you have a purchase order for the delivery of the child approved before you could get pregnant. That one didn’t last long.
Then it was that anyone in the Sea Org getting pregnant would be sent to a failing org to get it back up and doing well, while they had their child. They were expected to return to the Sea Org when their child was 10, which was the age that the Sea Org determined that children were old enough to understand and sign the Sea Orgs billion-year contract. Though they were not expected to start in the Sea Org that young (they were sent to the ranch to prepare them for the Sea Org), they were expected to sign the contract. It pretty much sucked because the parents HAD to return to the Sea Org, so what choice really was that child given? None.
And this latest issue was that anyone getting pregnant would be terminated from the Sea Org. Being terminated from the Sea Org meant you were a huge failure. It meant you were a degraded being and you weren’t up for the difficult task that the Sea Org is.
Mr. Petit went on to explain to me that I needed to read the entire new issue and then he wanted me to watch for any BI’s (bad indicators) from staff so that we could get them into interrogations right away.
For me, that conversation with Mr. Petit was rather upsetting personally. But I had to hide my feelings and concerns.
You never can show “case on post”. So, if anything makes you upset, you instinctively hold in your emotions and maybe even smile a little wider. It sucks.
But it got me thinking. When I joined the Sea Org, I was only 15. Whether or not I wanted kids was not something that had ever crossed my mind.
But when this issue came out that Petit was talking to me about, I was at a childbearing age. But here I was, stuck in the Sea Org and the decision had essentially already been made for me. I had already terminated one pregnancy by then (which I still deeply regret), so I think Petit thought I had already decided for myself no kids.
The Sea Org lifestyle does not give you the chance to process anything. There is no time ever for personal concerns or feelings.
After that conversation I felt upset, trapped and controlled. And yet it was my job to help enforce this new issue.
And so, I brushed aside my feelings and ignored any motherly desire I had. I kept on in my “enforcer” job in the Sea Org. We had no time to think about ourselves, we had a planet to Clear.